Tuesday, December 13, 2016

The Game: Part One

                I told him he had to wait for the signal. I knew he’d wait for as long as I wanted. So I calmly sat at the bar and sipped my bourbon. Another fifteen minutes wouldn’t bother me, and the anticipation would drive him crazy in all the good ways. I could feel his eyes on my back from all the way across the room. I could nearly feel his breath on my neck. The air was electric in this old hotel, and the scent of oil polish from the beautiful mahogany bar made me heady. It was one of the most exquisite places in Old Town. Certainly, it was where I’d long pictured this scene playing out.

                Finally, I finished my drink. I reached into my purse and left the bartender a cash tip. I picked up the nearly empty glass to get the last bit of warmth from the bourbon. As I set it down on the bar, I tapped my forefinger three times on the rim of the empty glass. 

                The game was on.

                By the time I swiveled in the barstool and touched my heels to the ground, he’d already left his perch and headed for The Room. I noted the ding from the elevator and heard a tipsy couple enter the lobby. Their voices bounced off the tile floor in the wide open space, so I couldn’t tell if he’d entered the elevator or not. Their drunken giggles masked any chance of hearing the stairwell door closing. So whether he sprinted for the stairs or took his chances with the elevator, I couldn’t tell at this point.

                I smoothly shimmied down the hem of my navy dress and headed for the door leading to the lobby. I flipped the ends of my straightened hair over my shoulders so I could see everyone in my peripheral vision as I left. As I expected, several glances followed me to the door. The dress left little to the imagination with its curve hugging silhouette. I knew I had the hourglass to pull it off. This dress accomplished my goal of dropping some jaws.

                My heels made a soft click as I crossed the lobby to catch the elevator. There was only one lift, and I grinned when I saw the light shining for the up arrow. But after several moments, I realized that the elevator was still headed up. We were only on the fifth floor. He must have sent the cabin to the top floor to buy some additional time.

                Clever boy.

                The game was on.

                The elevator eventually made its way back to me, and the doors opened. I stepped in and pressed the button for floor five. The elevator rumbled its way to the fifth floor and opened its doors. The hallway turned to the left, and I followed the gaudy red and gold carpeting to room 506.

                I paused, if only for a split second, outside the door to listen for scamperings from within. I heard nothing. I grinned.

                I slid the key card into the lock and swung open the door.

                There he was. As promised.

                Clothes folded neatly on the corner of the cheap side table.

                Abeyante.

                Blindfolded.

                And beautifully naked.

                Only his efforts of trying to conceal his labored breathing betrayed his rush.

                The game was on.

 

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Bound

                Suddenly, he was there. The unmistakable scent of cinnamon and nutmeg. His fingers twisted up in my hair. His lips racing across the flesh of my neck. Neither distance nor time mattered in this moment. My heart thundered in my chest. Tears slipped down my cheek. I knew he was only there for a few more heartbeats. It was our nightly ritual.

                Then I realized he’d been here too long.   

                I wasn’t aware I’d been holding my breath until he held my face in his hands and begged, “Come with me…”

                And I felt myself let go as I exhaled a final breath.

 

Friday, November 18, 2016

The Lost Ragdoll

The storm
Violent and destructive 
It tears and rips
Crushes and wrecks
Yet no one can see
What lies in its wake 
When it rages 
Inside 

Monday, November 14, 2016

Unsaved

Broken toys 
Tossed out with the trash
Missing pieces 
Burned out bulbs
Scuffed paint
Broken limbs
No one realized 
I'm not dead

Saturday, November 12, 2016

oneDay

I'll be 
Loved
Accepted
I'll be
Wanted
Needed
I'll be
Beautiful
Worthy
But the world 
Refuses to see me 
As I am 

Friday, November 11, 2016

sideExit

The quiet one
The hurting one
Completely confident
No one notices
As white
Turns grey
Turns black
She dies
Without knowing 
She was loved 
No one mourns
The ugly things

Thursday, November 10, 2016

slowDeath

The only way to 
Stop the drowning is to breathe
In all the water

Thursday, November 3, 2016

violentExhale

The sensuous beauty in 
Pausing to listen 
Stopping to feel 
Holding a breath
Don't you dare 
Twitch
Blink
Vocalize 
Move a muscle 
The unspoken tension
The breaking and binding 
Just let me
Crash into you 



Thursday, October 20, 2016

Inanimate

They can't know
They can't see
Lest they judge 
I can't explain the 
Scars on my wrist 
Any more than the 
Scars on my heart 
It's nothing more than
Morbid curiosity 
Over a broken doll
That used to be a girl

Monday, October 17, 2016

Hatred

The char
The smell
Flesh burning 
Crumpled and twisted thing 
There is no recognizing
What I'm sure 
Was a heart
Once 

Monday, October 10, 2016

The Long

The breeze and the moon
And a halo of stars 
The open sky holds me close 
And your breath is on my neck
Miles transform into inches
When I close my eyes 
And imagine the night
As my love 

Friday, October 7, 2016

Water

Don't you understand?
The broken flower is fed 
By tears, same as rain. 

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Freight

Teasing at the tip of my tongue
Dancing at the edge of my brain 
A memory 
I don't know why
I left behind
Until its remembrance 
Threatens to crush me
Once more

Friday, September 16, 2016

Medicines

Hello Demon
It's been a while
I'd forgotten about you 
Sitting in the corner 
I suppose I always knew
You'd never
Forget me
Leave me
Replace me
Fill the holes in my heart
With your tar
And heal me as
Only you can


Monday, September 12, 2016

Wheels

You never said a word
I heard you 
You never turned on a light
I saw you 
There was a mirror to my soul
That matched yours
A tether between worlds 
Between lives
Between two fixed points in time
Between us
An undeniable gravity
That draw the inevitable 
Together
The beauty of 
Supernova 
The blinding
Of the cosmos 

Friday, September 9, 2016

The Stones



 

                I tripped over my skirts several times while sprinting to The Stones.  It didn’t matter how torn my clothing was. It didn’t matter how ragged I looked. I couldn’t let him marry her. 

                The day started with the smell of distant snow in the air. There was surely to be a storm on this day that lead to the longest night. My morning chores were nearly complete when I reached into the pocket of my lamb’s wool cloak to warm my hands. I was surprised to find a letter stashed there. My hand trembled a bit as I unfolded the missive. Creighton’s familiar handwriting danced across the page. 


“I’m marrying Rhiannon. I do not want or need to hear from you again.”


                My overwhelming anguish manifested in a strangled sob. He’d loved me once. Or so he claimed. Wanted me. Needed me. He would tell me how his heart raced at the thought of us together. And now this letter exposed the depth of his lies. I felt my heart hammering in my chest while wrenching itself to pieces. I desperately fought to draw in air. My head was spinning, and all I could smell was the stench of bile as it rose its way from my twisted stomach.  I had to go to him.

                Father said he’d seen Creighton with Rhiannon and her druid earlier in the morn. I frantically searched the entire village for them, and they were nowhere to be found. It was nearly suncrest. I knew I had no time to waste. There was only one other place they could be.

                I grabbed my heaviest wrap and took off toward The Stones.

                Blinded by winter winds and scorching tears, I rubbed the back of my wool-wrapped hand across my leaking eyes. The snow fell harder and harder. It endangered my plan and nearly forced me to return to the safety of my home, but my desperation to see him overrode all reason. I had to hear it from his lips before I could truly believe the ugliness of his written words.

                I made it to The Stones just before the sun hit its zenith on the shortest day of the year. Three figures stood in the middle of The Stones. There was still time for me to intervene.

                I drew a deep breath into my blazing lungs. “CREIGHTON!” I screamed with every last ounce of strength I had. I fell to my hands and knees, exhausted. 

                My voice caused all three figures to turn toward me. The druid looked smug as he lowered his hands to his sides. Rhiannon looked radiant and triumphant. Creighton looked at me like he was reclaiming a long faded memory.

                I looked at Rhiannon. “Don’t do this,” I pleaded. But the incantations had already been chanted and the offerings had already been burnt.

                The sun peaked and bathed The Stones in white light. I raised my arm to shield my eyes from the glare. I saw the kiss they shared as a silhouette against the shimmering ice crystals. My love was lost. The ceremony was over. Creighton belonged to her.

                “You WITCH!” I screamed. I tried to stand, but my legs refused to heed my wishes. 

                Rhiannon leaned in close to Creighton’s ear. “Remember her.” It wasn’t a question. It was a command.

                Creighton turned to look at me. His eyes rushed full of tears while the bewitched memories came flooding back. “Lioslaith…” he whispered as his tears embodied his heartbreak.  

                “Now watch as your beloved dies,” Rhiannon purred.

                My eyes widened it terror. 

                Rhiannon lifted her graceful arm and backhanded the air.

                My head jerked violently to the left as my neck cracked.

                Darkness.

 

Thursday, September 8, 2016

tinyGifts

A heart 
All closed up
Trapped in a cell
Of her own making 
He sat outside the cage
So she could see
And waited for her
To open the door 
So he could join her in
Her sanctuary 
Until she felt safe enough
To step outside 

Monday, September 5, 2016

INK

The difference between
Darkness and night is knowing
When the sun will rise. 

Monday, August 22, 2016

Nature

A girl with
Wildfire on her tongue
Lightning in her fingertips 
Earthquakes in her eyes
A hurricane in her heart 
And tornadoes in her soul
Let her be
Your perfect storm 


Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Log Cabin Windows

Smell the calm
Taste the darkness
Touch the stars 
Bathe in the moonlight 
And feel my love 
Find your center 
And I've found
My home 

demonWhispers

You're ugly
    They said
You're unwanted 
    They sneered 
You're unloveable 
    They teased
But somehow 
I'm the only one
That can hear them  

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Purgatory

I can swallow the lows
I can enjoy the highs
It's the long middles
Those eternal in betweens
That threaten
To crush me 

Saturday, August 6, 2016

thunderHeads

The pinprick 
The stab in the heart 
I can feel the heat spread 
The warm and sticky blood
And soon my whole chest 
Is on fire and soaked 
I chase the rain
The only way to wash myself 
Clean of you
But the clouds move 
Faster than I can 

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

catchingTears

Hummingbird wings
Darting from side to side
There to kiss away the tears
Before they have the chance
To fall 

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Terrified

Run for your life 
Little Rabbit
Can't stop
Won't stop 
To look back
There's fire and smoke
And nothing left 
Run 
Run
Run
Don't let him catch you
Don't let him see you cry
Don't let him know
How afraid you are
Run away
So he can forget you 
Ever existed
Run 
Run 
Run
~~~The thoughts that fly
~~~Through my head as I 
~~~Stand frozen 
~~~Unable to move
~~~And weep 

Monday, August 1, 2016

Spark

Nothing special 
A tiny shell of a thing
Unnoticed
Hard to see 
Amongst the polished glass
Trying its best 
To outshine the sun

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

For Love of Hawks and Doves

There is something 
Something so fierce 
And wild 
And beautiful
Something that has been caged
Something misunderstood
And neglected
Made to perform
Made to bend
Made to yield
I am unafraid
To open your cage
For how else will you 
Fly with me 

Monday, July 25, 2016

Decisions

Hollowed out 
Left behind to heal or die
And I don't know which
Path to take 

Thursday, July 21, 2016

barlessPrison

Shifting sands
Make for unsure footing
Better to stay 
On the stone 
Of my cave
And watch the others
Fall instead

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

And The Skies Weep

Fat, heavy raindrops
Falling from the darkened skies
Match my broken soul.  

Core

Come to me
My love 
Let me whisper the words again
Remind you of
Who you are
And what you mean
Let me wash the wounds
The world gave you
With my tears of joy
Crawl inside my heart
And let me protect you 
Come to me
And let forever start
With a kiss 

Friday, July 15, 2016

The Lonely Arbor

Be brave, My Willow.
The storm won't last forever. 
What bends will not break. 

Sunday, July 10, 2016

spinningHands

Days. Months. Years. Decades. 
All of it would fly by if 
I knew I'd be yours. 

Friday, July 8, 2016

binaryWaters

Across the sea
She waits
Abeyante and patient
While digital tide 
Goes in and out 
Kissing just her knees
As it rises to meet her
Then vanishes as silently
As it appeared 
Oh to be held by the waves
Oh to be drowned in its embrace
But fleeting kisses
Must suffice 
As her soul's only comfort

Thursday, July 7, 2016

The Naked Heart

Alone and shivering
Abandoned in a hailstorm
Little shelter under this leaf
Naked
Afraid
Until the bird taught her
She didn't need clothes
She only needed wings 

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

The Shelved Ragdoll

She sat
Quietly
Patiently 
Abeyante and still
Eyes stitched closed 
And decorated 
By thick lashes
Relying only on sound
To tell her when her
Steadfast Tin Soldier 
Was near 

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Human 76 and Sheshwahtay

Author's note: I always intended this blog to be about my work. I never wanted to tell a story before I told a story, and I never felt the need to add my personal voice to it. This post is a little something different. I've been lucky enough to be included in an anthology unlike anything I've ever read. And now here I am on Publishing Eve, trying to keep my shit together while my lifelong dreams finally  spread their wings. It's frightening and beautiful and awesome. It's intimidating and amazing. And it certainly wouldn't be possible without you, the reader.
So I give you a little snippet of my short story, Sheshwahtay, included in the Human 76 anthology. Enjoy.....and Sheshwahtay.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Two Horns was up to his shenanigans again. 

“Give it here!” Red Foot screamed at her older brother. “Give me the doll!” She chased after him as he danced around her, holding the delicate, hand-made cornhusk doll just out of reach. 

“You’ll have to fight harder than that to get it, Little Sister. Catch me if you can!” He followed his taunt with a teasing look, and he took off at a sprinter’s pace down the foot path toward the creek.  

Red Foot’s shoulders slumped as she watched her brother’s slim build vanish into the wood. The last thing she could see before he disappeared under the dark canopy was the flame of his unruly, red curls. “Awww, forget it. You’re not worth it, Two Horns,” she said as her defeated gaze shifted downward. She balled up her tiny fists and hollered after him, “You’ll be back for dinner anyway!” 

Summer was giving way to autumn. The leaves had just started to turn magnificent shades of yellow and red. The sun took its leave earlier and earlier each evening. Nights brought that undeniable, crisp smell of impending winter. Yet somehow everything seemed colder than past years.  I feared the effects of the Blast were finally beginning to creep into our home. I’d spent 37 years on this mountain, and I could feel things were changing. There was more of a bite in the winds that blew into our home. The skies were more grey. And winter was still a long way off. 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

buriedAlive

Can't breathe
The air too thick
To draw breath 
Suffocating
Crushing
Slow motion death 
No mercy
No hope for
A quick end
To the agony 

Sunday, June 12, 2016

silentScreams

So many times
The words are right there
Begging to be spoken
Each time they 
Are barricaded 
By fear
By insecurity
By demons
So the clock keeps turning
And the world keeps spinning
And nothing is really different 
On the outside 
Internal civil war
Rages 
A battle
You'll never see

Monday, June 6, 2016

Burrows of Burden

Terrible burden 
And I carry it alone 
Alone 
Alone down the hole
No one willing to follow me
Into darkness 
The deepest recesses
Are frightening alone
Alone 
Alone I scurry
Trying to balance the weight
And wanting to scream
And tell the world 
But I need to make it down
My rabbit hole farther
So that nobody hears
Terrible terrible
Horrible truths
That only my back 
Can carry 

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Three Hundred Sixty Five Yesterdays

There was no way
For you to remember
And impossible
For me to forget
The time flies
And crawls
Simultaneously
And I can't let go
Of things I never held 

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Catalyst

The touch burns
Like fire
Across my flesh 
A fingertip that
Creates or destroys
And all I can do is watch
As my heart 
Is bound to you 

Friday, May 20, 2016

Drowning Alice

No where left to turn
The bottle empty
The razor dull
Deaf ears can't repeat gossip
Blind eyes don't see pain
It's a miserable existence 
Without you
Maybe the oxygen
Will betray me as well

Sunday, May 15, 2016

See It Matches

No way to show you
My insides
To prove they outshine
What you can see
Hidden in the rough 
The greatest treasure 
You've never seen 

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Hollow

Make me feel
Make me believe
I'm not surrounded by nothingness
Make me hear
Make me see
There's someone to save me 
Make me confident
Make me understand  
Your hand is always available
Make me bloom
Make me beautiful
Make me 
Yours


Friday, May 13, 2016

Thrash

I hear the thunder. 
I smell the incoming storm. 
Do your worst, my love. 

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

forbiddenFruit

All the things 
I am dying to say
The unseen raging river below
The icecap
A million words for 
What I feel 
The dam 
The Pandora's Box 
The sealing wax 
Has cracked
It takes all my
Silent strength and willpower 
To cradle the knowledge
Deep in my chest
And keep it to myself 

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Unsaid

But what if she died?
I never told her the depth
Of my affection. 

Sunday, May 8, 2016

crazyDiamond

Sparkle you diamond
Do your best 
To catch his eye
You're tiny
You're buried 
There's little chance 
Of being found
But shine your hardest
And miracles happen

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Invaders

I can hear them
Scratching at the door 
Rattling the window
The demons are trying to 
Invade once more 
You're not enough 
Pretty enough
Smart enough 
Funny enough
Only wanted by demon
And devils
As a plaything 
For evil 

Friday, May 6, 2016

digitalFootprint

Quickened heartbeat
The joy of seeing you
The thrill of hearing you
The tidal wave of emotion
That threatens to crush
Also rebuilds 
It's real
It powerful 
Until it vanishes
With you 

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

sharedPossession

Paint me your color
Rich reds 
Vibrant violets
Make me your instrument 
Soaring strings
Blaring brass
Touch my silk
Taste my salt
Breathe in the perfume
Let me overwhelm you
Let me possess you
And I'll give it back to you 
In ways you can't imagine 
In ways you won't forget
Until you can't let go either 

neverFree

I forgot you 
For five minutes 
My heart was free
The shackle was broken
My wings stretched wide
For five minutes 
I felt human
I felt alive 
I felt valuable
Until I remembered my jailer
And the cell door
Closed one more 

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

TwitterShort Challenge 12



                

 

 

               Boomer struggled for breath as she wrapped her fingers around the chain link. While trying to recover her lungs, she glanced over her shoulder and felt the relief of being alone. She’d outrun them once more. There was no way she was ever going to be bullied into wearing that flannel onesie that smelled like half a jar of dill pickles was spilled down its front through the middle school halls again. They’d caught her once, and it took an entire bottle of hand sanitizer to get the smell off of her skin.

                After school, she would always run here. The Sandlot. It was her private paradise. Abandoned for years, the overgrown field barely resembled the glory that had been. The brick half-wall that marked the home run dividing line was crumbling. Most of the red bricks were worn and split in two. The pitcher’s mound was barely a bump. The base path was covered in spearmint. Boomer was in heaven.

                She wiggled her way through the gate. The latch was rusty, and one end was snapped off and secured with wire. Boomer didn’t even bother with it, since she was tiny enough to slip through the opening. And she made her way to the mound.

                Boomer could hear the announcer: AND NOW, REPRESENTING YOUR BARTONVILLE BOUNTY HUNTERS… BOOMER “THE KID” JENKINS! She comes in with an ERA of 1.00 and the meanest 12-6 curve ball you’ve ever seen. Looking to make the final out against the visiting Bronze Wombats of Willow Creek. This could be the most pressure The Kid has been under. Will she get this final out of the game?

                Boomer took her spotlight center stage. She grabbed the rosin bag and bounced it in her palm. The dust floated like an angelic cloud around her hand. She let the bag drop, straightened her hat, and leaned forward.

                She shook off the first two signs and then nodded. She settled into her stance. Lightning quick, she unloaded a 98 mph fast ball right down the middle. Caught the batter looking. Strike one.

                The routine started again, and she tried for the inside of the plate. Foul tip. Strike two.

                Down to the final strike, Boomer knew how to finish him off. The sign was made. Her smirk was her reply. The set up. The release. And an absolutely filthy sinker left the batter swinging at air. Strike three. Game over. Series winners.

                Boomer threw her glove in the air and waited for the mob of teammates. For two minutes, nothing else mattered. Tomorrowdidn’t matter. The future didn’t matter. There was no way to know that her fortune would be secured by trading a tiny pink USB flash drive full of pictures of the District Attorney holding double ended purple jelly dildos and wearing black leather Domme shoes. That was a future far away.

                Right now, Boomer was just enjoying her Gatorade ice bath from her team, and enjoying the power of imagination.

 

Monday, May 2, 2016

Missing

Night falls again
The dark couldn't be 
Any darker
And yet it's colder somehow
I'm nothing special 
No standout
It's hard to see a shadow
In shade
It's impossible to tell
When something is gone
If it never existed 

Friday, April 29, 2016

fourSeasons

Love was bright
Until Love met Doubt
Doubt taunted and mocked
Love
Doubt belittled and chastised
Love 
Until Love passed away 
Doubt didn't care
Love was dead
Until Doubt met Hope 
Hope rekindled and regrew
Love
Hope strenthened and fortified 
Love 
Until Love was reborn
Hope didn't care
Love was bright 
Until Love met Doubt 

Monday, April 25, 2016

Drained

Nothing left
A heart that no longer beats 
I'm cold
I'm stone
Six feet under
Everything signaling
A life that was 
Reached for the wizard's hand
And let him steal the
Life force
Until there is
Nothing left 

Friday, April 22, 2016

keyLatch

Make me 
Claim me
Polish me until 
I shine 
In your light 
Take the flame 
That's yours
And fan it into 
An inferno
Turn me into 
A piece of you
You can't imagine
Living without 

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Relocation

Discarded toy 
No one wants you
Broken
Damaged
Ugly
Worthless
No one looks for treasures
In the landfill
Abandon hope
This is your home now 

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

The Driftwood Doll

I still sense you
To think a lighthouse 
Could ever be hidden
Proves your folly
The rocks below call 
And beg
For my soul to be dashed
But I'm trying to
Navigate the best I can
The ugly and cold sea 
And 
Just 
Stay
Afloat

Monday, April 18, 2016

Andante

Tattoo your music
Across my heart
Never let
Go 
Listen to the pieces of my soul
Echoing in you
Moving and still
Electric and peaceful

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Tin Tank

A thing
For play
To command how you wish
Enjoy what's yours
Rough or calm
The thought of your
Heat makes me melt
Own me 
Use me 
Get me off 
Heal me
Then lie about your love

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Lessons Learned in Limbo

I can't move forward.
I'm left locked in a filthy 
Cage without a key. 

Friday, April 15, 2016

Low Tide

Alone and naked
On the beach
All I can do is 
Remain abeyante and 
Stare at the line 
In the sand
The one you drew
The one you established
The one you walked away from 
I followed every rule
I completed every task
You called me 
You claimed me
You said I was perfect
So why am I 
Alone and naked
On the beach 

Monday, April 11, 2016

Remember her Place

To be reminded
a girl has no place
she is not special
Or unique 
There is nothing about her
That anyone cannot find
Somewhere else 
she gets replaced 
Over and over
she is nothing
she is trash
she has been thrown away
she waits on her shelf
Until she is used again

Dear Copperfield

Maybe I was that dumb
Always is a powerful word
Going against my head
I would have
Crossed countries for you 

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Love Left Blind Behind

Turn it off
You'll get over it
A million other 
Dismissive phrases 
But I've grieved for so long
I've forgotten that anything
Else exists
Then I wonder who it is
That really died
You or me
The thought
Becoming irrelevant
Because the outcome
Remains the same 

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Sistine

That inner calm
I used to know
That peace 
That confidence
Instantly
Reduced to ash
The bitter, acrid stench
Of lies and deceit 
Makes me vomit 
Over and over
Purging whatever feeling
I had left
I'm stranded here
No one
Could possibly want
The empty shell
This masterpiece you created 

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

The Inevitable Abandonment

Unwanted
Unneeded
Shelved
That's what happens to 
Ragdolls 
When they dare to love 
Little boys who lie
About forever

Friday, March 25, 2016

Finality

Will there be a time
I can remember and 
Not bleed
Will I ever just
Forget it hurts
Will I be able to put
One foot in front of
The other 
Without the bed of coals
The scarf says yes
The bullet says yes
The razor says yes
The fumes say yes 
The bottle says yes
The pills say yes
My soul finally listens to them and
Whispers back 
Yes 

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Hostage

Haunted 
Shriveled husk 
The disease
Eating away
Gnawing
Leaving nothing behind
Be proud Dr Frankenstein
Of the creature you made
Look at it and know
You're the father of despair
The parent of worthlessness 
The mastermind of a broken soul
No one could ever love
A thing as hideous
As what stares back at me
Reflected in
My prison windowpane  

Sunday, February 28, 2016

The Empty Shell

I wish you would have 
Killed me since I'm not really 
Living anyway 

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Winter

Still lost
Still struggling
This abandoned heart
Still unable
To abandon its promise 
I swore to love
For always
Regardless of whether 
You felt the same
Regardless of whether
You want it or not
My promise stands 

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Just An Adjective

Bitch
Slut
Whore
Cunt
Go ahead 
I've been called worse
Things like
Smart
Stunning
Funny 
Creative
Delicious 
And I'd rather be called 
An ugly truth
Than a beautiful lie 

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

TwitterShort Challenge 11

 

 

                It was my fourth call of the night. I was already exhausted. I looked up and could see the faint full moon even though there was still daylight in the sky. No wonder everyone was a little Froot Loops tonight. Frakking full moon.

                I crumpled up the empty bag of Fritos and tossed it on the seat next to me. High class dining. I fired up my sedan.

                I met Dino at the crime scene. He descended on me as soon as I opened my car door. “You’re not gonna like this one, Boss. It’s as ugly as Lieutenant Ken’s shorts in there.”          

                I laughed at the simile. Ken was never going to live down that golf outing.

                “Talk to me, Dino.” We walked toward the house.

                “Burglary gone wrong. Seems like the perp picked the wrong granny. Blowtorch Bobby…”

                I interrupted him. “Wait? The perp is Blowtorch Bobby? Ken’s CI?”

                Dino nodded. “Yup. The same. Rather, the perp WAS Blowtorch Bobby.”

                Oh, this just keeps getting better and better.

                “What do you mean “WAS”?”

                “Better just to show you, Boss,” he said as he held the door.

                The home was decorated in kitsch and hideous 90’s wallpaper. It did look like Ken’s shorts.

                Dino directed me through the dated home to the kitchen. Sitting at the kitchen table was a tiny woman dressed to the nines on an eight dollar budget. Her rings and baubles were clearly costume jewelry, but she made obvious effort to look completely put together. A beautifully hand-stitched linen apron covered her polyester Goodwill dress. The entire kitchen smelled like peaches. Judging by the measuring cup, flour, and unfinished pie crust on the counter, Blowtorch Bobby had interrupted her baking.

                “Howdy, Ma’am. What’s your name?” I extended my hand to her.

                “I’m Greta,” she said with that lovely, old lady waver in her voice. Her handshake was more like a touching of fingertips. “When are you going to let me finish my pie?”

                “Very soon, Greta. My name is Sergeant Bensko. I just need to ask you a few simple questions.” I grabbed my notebook and pen and scribbled while she talked. “What happened tonight?”

                “Well. This guy comes up to my front door. Now, I don’t open the door after it gets dark. That’s just not safe. Edna said there was a blue Ford going up and down our block lately, and I just don’t take chances. So he comes to my door and says he had a jury duty summons letter for me. Well. I always take my civic duties very seriously. I peeked out the window and he looked all respectable in his suit. So I opened the door. He handed me that envelope.” Greta pointed at a legal sized envelope bagged as evidence sitting on her kitchen table. “Then he just barges into my house like he owns the place. He slammed the door behind him. I think he was high. He smelled like the weed,” she spat with contempt.

                I looked over at Dino. Dino nodded and said, “We did find a joint in his pocket, Boss.”

                “Okay, Greta. Go on with your story.”

                “So I was already in the middle of putting my pie together. And I didn’t appreciate him coming into my house like that. So I told him that I had business in the kitchen and he needed to leave. That’s when he pulled the gun from his pocket. I wasn’t scared. After 92 years, there’s nothing that boy could do to rattle me. So I just went into the kitchen. He followed me. So I grabbed a mason jar of my lemon curd and I whacked him right in the face with it. Just WHACK! Like that.” She made an awkward motion mimicking a pitcher throwing to first base. “And that glass just shattered everywhere. And then he fell down and didn’t move.”

                The coroner had already removed the body, but the giant bloodstain and glass shards in the middle of her kitchen floor seemed to match her story. I thanked her for her time and left her my card. “If you ever need any help, Greta, I want you to call me as soon as you can, okay?”

                The old lady smiled and said she would.

                I left Dino at the scene to finish up. 

                I looked up at the full moon and prayed there wouldn’t be a fifth call.

 

Friday, February 12, 2016

hiddenBeast

This cage
My design 
I'm willingly here
Only partly my protection 
From those out there
A refuge of sorts
But you mistake my exile
It's not to protect 
A soul from shattering again
It's to protect the outside 
From me


Thursday, February 4, 2016

Heart, Less

I look at my heart
I cut off the bruised pieces
Until nothing's left

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Registry

I bought the star
Named it
Loved it
Dedicated it to you
I was foolish for believing
It would burn out first

Monday, February 1, 2016

Returning

Hello old friend
I'm finally returning home to a 
Shell that feels 
Familiar
Welcomed by nothing
Don't forget to wipe your shoes
And leave your heart at the door
Emotion is not invited in
Keep this thing 
Cold and dead
Because any heat 
Was an illusion anyway 

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Always

I love you painfully 
Madly 
With depth unfathomable 
I love you quietly
Loudly
With unending breath
I love you passionately 
Recklessly
With no logic
I love you endlessly
Eternally
Without condition

For
Always